Archive for December, 2007

My Great Teaching of 2007

Today I reflect on this past year…a year of tremendous challenge.  One would think I’d be glad to see it go, be rid of it…move on.  I could dwell on the challenges and adversities.  I could dwell in misery if I choose and I’d certainly be entitled to that, but I choose to see the Teaching and in that I see Light.

This year has taught me the true testament of Faith and Trust.  Having Faith in God’s divine plan for me and Trust in God’s promise to provide even when it seems there is nothing left.  God’s work in my life has come through those closest to me.  When I broke my foot my dearest friends and children came to my aid.  When I lost my job as a result of my injury, my dearest friends once again supported me.  Lyn came to my apartment every week with groceries and homemade goodies (including goodies from her mother and Joey), Rhonda also came by each week with lunches and thoughtful gifts…and it was with her generosity my rent was paid.  Mary also came by each week with any items I needed and Reiki when I wanted.  Krissy came by often to help, as did so many of my students and dear friends.  Sandy was always available for listening and helping me sort through the process.  So many came by with flowers, food and gifts:  Elizabeth, Sunny, Jeanne and Ron, Neal, Lois, Barbara, Jimmy, to name a few and then the phone calls of loving support were countless. 

Everytime I was faced with another seemingly hopeless challenge another Angel appeared with an offer to help in whatever way was needed at the time often without any communication beforehand.  I’ve learned that faith and trust must come with surrender.  I had to surrender to the offers of help.  I had to say “yes” even when it was the hardest thing to do.  And it was hard.  It IS hard.

Every time I said yes I opened another door for God to provide my every need.  I live in the “flow” of God’s grace and this continues even today…perhaps even more so.  This past year has taught me the true meaning of Faith and Trust because my every need and my every hope has been fufilled.

While I am looking forward to a wonderful year to come, I am humbled and most grateful for the past years that have taught me so much.  Every moment in life holds a Teaching if we look and I am grateful for the awareness that I have nurtured for over 30 years through prayer and meditation.  For the Great Teaching of 2007…the lessons of true Faith and Trust in myself, in God’s divine plan and in my fellow human beings…I bow with the deepest Gratitude and Humility. 


The Holidays

What is it about the holidays that bring so much expectation?  What is it about the holidays that brings sorrow?  For me, the holidays bring memories…some sweet and some very painful.  There are the memories of those no longer in my life, Christmas past, memories of my little girl and boy in warm feet pajamas and blankie running to the Christmas tree, excitement and delight with each gift opened… then to my lap for cuddling.

As my adult children slept here under the same roof for the first time in a couple of years I experienced the peace and sense that all is right in my world.  Yet Christmas morning as I fussed in the kitchen and they started packing up to head home, the tears began to fall.  I cried in front of my children…weeping for a time long gone.  The time when I could fix their boo-boo’s with a kiss, wipe their tears and bring a smile to their sad little faces.  The time when I knew they were safe every night, because I could hear them breathing in the next room, healthy meals and snacks I prepared daily filled their bellies.

Living so far away makes the reality and finality of those times more tangible.  I love every moment of motherhood…then and now.  Our friendship is rich with survival, growth, triumphs and failures, both theirs and mine.  I loved those little bodies on my lap, reading bedtime stories and tying shoes.  I loved what I saw in the little girl and the little boy…and love what I see now.  I am proud of the wonderful adults they are….and I look forward to many holidays…to reflect on what was…and with great joy experience what is.

First Adirondack Christmas

My First Adirondack ChristmasMy first Adirondack Christmas!  I am here in my camp watching the snow falling and blowing outside my windows, the tree is lit with tiny clear lights, antique reproduction candles rest on each windowsill.  It’s Christmas Eve morning, 18 degrees, Mother Nature creating balance to the 47 degree rains of yesterday.  This is my first Christmas away from “home” in Orange County where I lived my entire 52 years.

My two adult children arrived yesterday with our little 15 year old Shitzu in tow around 3pm.  Shortey(mini dachschund) and I greeted them with great joy…all of us together for 2 1/2 days!  In they came with backpacks and bags, pillows and blankets, and goodies.  Before long Stevie was asleep on the couch, Tracey on my bed.  Home.

When I moved up here this fall I could not have possibly imagined the joy this holiday is bringing to my heart..having my kids here with me in these majestic mountains.  Immediately all stress melts away and they are at peace.  This morning they both sleep in, side by side on matching twin Aero beds with new red and green plaid flannel sheets, covered with blankets and afghans hand crocheted by grandmothers and great grandmothers, the coffee brews filling the house with that early morning aroma, my heart is filled with peace and great love…contentment and joy.  The loves of my life are here in the next room asleep, warm, safe, and at peace. 

The decision to make this big midlife change is proving to be the best choice of my life in countless ways.  The solitude of life nestled in the forest and lakes has proven to be a time of journeying inward and connecting to my self on a deeper level than ever before.  I am living in Spirit…in the flow…and life is Good!  Life is Simple, uncomplicated, and oh so rich.  Sharing this time with my children is further proof…a great move for me and an opportunity to grow for them…and they have!

Times are lean for each of us and there are exactly six small presents beneath the tree and we all agree…the only thing that matters at all, is being together, sharing time, expressing our love and gratitude for one another and counting our blessings as many. 

Christmas past was always over the top, obscene at times, over indulgence of gifts, food and over-doing in every way, leaving us all exhausted and “glad” the holiday craziness is over.  If I were still down “home” their visit would be limited to a couple of hours because of other obligations and the stress that goes along with meeting everyone’s expectations.  As I was getting into bed last night, my daughter knocked on my door…”Mom?”  with more excitement than I’ve witnessed in her in years, she said, “I’m so excited to be here…so glad we came!”  I smiled and said…”me too, sweetie…me too.”

                                                     LOVE and JOY and PEACE on earth to All. 

The Sounds of Silence

The Sounds of SilenceThe sounds of silence here in the Adirondack forest are amazing…sounds I’ve never listened to before.  A light breeze rattles the brown dry leaves that remain on beech trees and hobblebush.  The sound of natures own wind chimes…an orchestra of elevated tones from the lighter beech tree leaves that are high light and airy.  The hobblebush leaves are low to the ground dark heavy and large adding the depth of bass.  The snow has her own sound as she silently touches all in her path accompanied by a breeze the sound moves ever so eloquently across the surface striking chords of tree bark, shrubs and pine.  Mother Nature has her own divine orchestra…a symphony of Silence.  At mid-life I feel whole…allowing this experience, this precious gift to permeate my senses, my heart swells with gratitude, as I listen deeply to the sounds of Silence.

Winter Settles In

Winter Settles InI am officially a full-time resident of the beautiful Adirondacks and winter is upon us.  My first initiation to the unpredictable Adirondack weather was Friday night.  I was visiting my dear friend Shamim and left Saranac Lake about 5:30pm and found myself in a not predicted by ANY weather service blizzard with whiteout conditions.  My usual 30 minute drive became almost 2 hours as I followed a long trail of cars and trucks for 30 miles. 

So often I hear people complaining about the winter.  It’s cold, snowy, icey, and very very long.  I wonder how they endure something they dread so much.  So I sit with it and meditate…how do I want to move through these long winter months ahead?  The answer is plain and simple…with peace and harmony.  How will I do that? 

I choose to see the beauty.  I choose to see winter months as an opportunity to journey inward.  A time to be in…be quiet and still.  A time for more writing and reading and meditation and prayer.  A time for making hot meals and warm treats.  A time to enjoy the cozy warmth of my fireplace.  A time to slow down, dress warmly and nurture my body in new ways.  A time to fully allow the purpose of winter to settle in.  

I choose to use my mind to create a positive winter and know I’ll be that much more grateful for the warming sun and melting snow in spring.  Winter is an opportunity for growth in Spirit…and winter always leads to new life in Spring.

Living With What IS

Healing comes in many forms and in different ways.  The lengthy divorce settlement has presented great difficulty.  After years of being divorced the final settlement is nowhere in sight.  The challenges are still there…no matter what I do to move through them, face them, deal with them…they remain.  I keep wondering, “what is it I’m not getting?  I don’t understand the teaching.”  Finally I reached my breaking point, the unraveling of this courage, strength, and faith, became days of tears, nights of anxiety and fear…threads of who I am disappearing into reaction.

Sandy listened…and reminded me of what I know and what I Know.  This was no miracle conversation…just a gentle reminder with questions.  I took these new questions and looked within…and finally I get it.  Perhaps my great healing is as simple as accepting and living with what IS…how things are…being One with it all.  

The realization and teaching is this…the greatest healing of all could quite possible be living with what is…with acceptance and peace in my body, mind and spirit.  The challenges and circumstances of life do not define me.  A great burden is lifted and I am once again free to be who I am and create the life I want.  Now living with what IS…is quite wonderful!