It’s been a couple of weeks but I can now say I am once again fully present. All of my tests from head to toe are superb and I am delighted to know what I already knew…I am in excellent health.
I attribute my healthy state to my meditation, yoga, and spiritual discipline which lead to healthy eating and lifestyle. How can I be so in touch with my body and my self and not honor healthy living? The fresh pure air of the Adirondacks, the total silence and solitude of the past 15 months, the step- back- in- time living all contribute to my radiant health and I am forever grateful.
Today I am in New Paltz visiting family and friends for the holiday and looking out the window at a foot of snow. My big boots are in my closet at the lake…not here where I never expected to be wading in the white stuff so soon.
Throughout this process I’ve had very little time on my mat and cushion. My eyes and head were sensitive to movement. I had one good meditation in two weeks and I feel tremendous difference in my ability to cope with some life issues. Today I look forward to returning to my full practice…clear and ready to reap the benefits of sitting in the stillness of my body temple.
The migraine equivalent has passed and I’ve learned so much in the process. Sometimes I have to choose to ride it out…to surrender and allow whatever is happening the freedom to happen and just Be. Fear, anger, any emotions at all cause resistance in the body/mind and when I let go and fully surrender a welcome peace fills my heart and mind. I picture myself resting in the Hands of God…knowing full well that I am united with All in a very special way through these moments of challenge. I am fully conscious that I(we) are never alone and in these moments so precious I glimpse the wholeness of the present the richness of the eternal.
This experience has enriched my life but it is not without the suffering of external challenges that are beyond my control. Ongoing legal issues of my divorce settlement are now in year #6, mounting legal bills, judges that do not enforce their own rulings or the rulings of the higher courts have allowed my exhusband to completely ignore every ruling so I can get my settlement and move on. He has made a mockery of the judicial system and continues to get away with it. The whole process is beyond my control and I can’t afford to walk away from it. Needless to say after this episode I have felt very vulnerable and frustrated beyond words…but knowing I can get on my mat this morning and work it out is a relief…clarity will return along with strength and courage…which will once again bring me to surrender and non-attachment to the outcome. Without my daily practice I observed the working of the mind and how the vulnerability led to lots of crying and a sense of loneliness. The Yogi’s teach that everything is illusion and rarely are we experiencing Reality. There are as many worlds are there are minds…I am the creator of my life by what I think. But thinking hasn’t been very easy these past couple of weeks! Hey……it’s all maya anyway.
Like the migraine equivalent my present life is changing and I sense the odd space of being in between where I am and where I would like to be. I miss having my own home… a center for gatherings of my children, parents and friends. I am seriously considering returning to be near family and my dearest friends…returning to LIFE and the fullness of living knowing full well that I will return to the Adirondacks anytime I am in need of refreshment, solitude, silence and the healing beauty of these glorious mountains and lakes.
I am fully present…emerging from a long retreat…ready to return and eternally grateful for the life I have created and all I discovered hidden in the solitude of the Adirondack Park.
“Resting in the hands of God!” Good rejuvenating experience there. Existence is great.