For years now I have focused on cultivating the power to be fully present. To live in the present moment. It’s hard work, being present…and takes years of practice through Yoga, prayer, meditation, self study, discipline and determination. So it has been an interesting experience watching the present from the distance of stroke-like symptoms.
Today I am more present than I have been since Wednesday, November 27th, but I am still not 100%. I have moments of clarity and then this tired feeling settles in. I am amazed at the length of time this Migraine equivalent is taking to clear out and this morning I wonder what my new normal is.
The weeks of being on what I call brain delay have been interesting to observe. I am keenly aware of the present but am not in the moment, the reality is a distance away…it takes time to get here. Last night I went to dinner with a friend and though I felt much better and more present than I have been there were many times in the conversation I was at a loss for words. I could not recall them much less speak them. I lost words like “moderation” when talking about eating and drinking. I believe in moderation…but the word during the conversation? Blank. Recalling authors names? Blank. I spent so much time last night after returning home trying to recall the words I meant to say. Moderation…that finallly came to me this morning and to be perfectly honest, I forgot it as I was trying to type it and had to sit here and think really hard to find it again.
Yet throughout this experience I am aware of the present moment. I see it and know it…but I am not one with it. Perhaps this will give me a more solid ground with the present once I return to it. For now, being present is easy because I watch the space in between being present and the reality of this moment. I am peaceful and know that surrender is best for now. I keep affirming my radiant health and am consciously exercising my brain to challenge memory.
It is through Faith and Trust in my journey that I know this will serve me in great ways. There is a reason for all things. It sounds cliche and it is, but it is also true. Everything has a higher purpose and I have grown to Trust in that and to have Faith in the process of my life…even when it sucks. That is where Faith and Trust are most powerful…this is the ground upon which I learn the lessons of Life and grow from all of it…every blessed moment.
I am Being Present right now as I look out my window at the beautiful blue sky, sun shining brightly on the snowcovered forest where it is now -8* peaceful, silent…and so perfect. Living in the Adirondacks I continue to heal, continue to grow, and learn. I am present enough to know how blessed I am.
Very nice..i am wondering if you have read The Power of Now or A New Earth, Both by Eckhart Tolle?.. If not i am sure you will find them very interesting..i am looking for property in the adirondacks now..i have not been there since i was a little boy but feel drawn there at this point of my life..any idea’s on where i should look for property?..happy holidays to you..:-)